Saturday, November 20, 2010


So it has been a while and I am sorry.  I know I have such an exciting life and you guys are just aching to hear all about it, so I will try to do much better. Riiiight....

So, I thought I would get a little personal today since this is somewhat of an anonymous forum for me, and see what people think.  It seems lately I have been trying to come out of my shell, but every time I make progress, I self destruct and crawl right back into my shell.  It really makes no sense to me.  To be honest, at one point in my life, I was the most extroverted person I have ever known... and then one day, that all changed.  I am not sure what caused it, but suddenly I was content just keeping to myself.  I got lost in movies, fictional books and gaming.  Gaming became my real society... It became another identity for me, albeit, a temporary one as I went from game to game.  It seems I got so lost in this world that I have now forgotten how to communicate with the outside in a meaningful way.  At work, it is a different story... I can pretend to be interested and involved all day long, but when it comes to my private life and my personal relationships, I just can not seem to or want to connect.  Am I alone feeling like this?

I could use a little feed back, and I know it is possible that no one will actually read this because I have been gone for so long, but it was worth a shot. 

In case you were wondering, I never did finish the last Final Fantasy installment that I started.  I got too depressed to even mess with that.  Well, maybe not depressed, but I was frustrated to the point where I just wanted to sit around and be pissed off and do nothing.  Vicious cycle huh?  I got pretty close to the end of it, and then I just stopped... That is not like me.  I guess that is why I even avoided my blog.  What do you think when an introvert becomes so introverted that he avoids even his most normal avenues of communication?  I mean, this is a blog and in a sense, I even feared communication with some of you people out there that I dont even really know.... Man I am messed up at the moment.

I need a vacation in a terrible way.  But even when I do that, I will probably go someplace pointless and sit in a hotel room and continue to do nothing.

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